Insert Foot....

I know we've all been there. You make a comment without really filtering your speech. You blurt something out and don't even think about it until the whole room just stares at you like you're a mutant. Or worse everyone looks away and can't speak, the room gets so quiet you could literally hear a pin drop. Just this last weekend while talking with a couple of women about the show The Bachelor I accidentally made a comment I immediately wished I could have retracted. We were talking about the women on the show and all the attitudes and about high maintenance they are. Without even considering the fact that right beside me sat a single mom in her mid to late 20s I said "Yeah there's a reason why you're 30 and still haven't found anyone yet!" Everyone was drinking but I pretended in that very moment to be completely WASTED. It was the only cover I could find. The only way I could think of in that semi intoxicated state to make my unfiltered comments ok.

There is one time though that rises above them all. One that will stick in my memory like that tacky stuff on walls you can never quite get all off. I'm sure no one who was there that day will ever forget. This wasn't a party setting where you just say what everyone was thinking. It was a grown up situation. It was probably 2 1/2 years ago when my brother and his new wife were looking for a house. My parents and I went with them to look one over that was on the market. It was a pretty nice house with big rooms and nice closets yada yada yada. I decided to go check out a back bedroom by myself. (Now this could turn south here, but won't until later.) I went to the back of the house and as I returned everyone had gathered near the front door and they were visiting. My mom turned to me very casually and said "Brandi knows Mrs. Kegans. Don't you sweetie?"
Of course I knew Mrs. Kegans. She was my first advisor in college and one of the coolest ladies I had ever met. Even in her latter years, she rocked a hip short do, dyed to hide the gray, if there was any. She wore fake lashed but didn't care, she wasn't going to let age get her down. When I first went to enroll, she went on and on about the great honey moon was she had with her brand new husband and she certainly let us know how hot she thought he was. So entering a conversation, not one to be left out, I had to say all I knew about the hip old lady Mrs. Kegans.

"Oh yeah!" My eyes lit up "I know her. She was my first advisor and she was really cool. She told us all about her hot new husband and how great the honeymoon was and went on and on..."
Thank Jesus Christ himself for moms. At that moment my mom touched my arm and said "Honey, that's her ex-husband." pointing to the lady who owned the house.

My stomach dropped. My face turned not flushed, not pink, not red, but flaming hot red/pink and rashy and I so desperately wanted to insert my huge size 11 foot into my mouth; after of course I dug a hole and crawled in it for 17 days. I couldn't believe I walked into that one! I apologized 9 times in one minute, said I hope you won't hold this against them and walked towards the door. The lady was nice about it and laughed saying "That's ok, I'm glad someone out there finds him attractive." and showed us out. I will never forget that as long as I live. Thankfully my brother and his wife didn't end up buying the house and I'll never see her again. I still feel like my mom set me up on that one. She could have interrupted me much sooner. However, I learned a valuable lesson that day, one that my friend who is a second grade teacher is teaching to her students; "The reason why we have 2 ears and 1 mouth is so we can listen more than we speak."
Thanks Liv. I wish you would have been around when I needed that.